Into The New Year

As 2014 is four days away from gone forever, this post is not so much a refection on the past as it is a possible of the future that is based on the successes and failures of the past year.

Also, as I was doing my music research I have come across this boy. Still can't figure out if he's English or American but can't say it matters. He dope. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjZwHhiCMfo

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYBODY!

What now?

I went back yet again to L-B office, this time finally got to speak straight to the director. Same old story though: Sorry, we’ve no job to give you, same old reaction: I’m sure it’s a lie. We spoke a little and in the usual midst of ‘I love your passion’ and ‘Just keep following your dreams’ (what happens, btw, if my dream is to work at your company?) out it came: ‘I choose to work with people I grew up with’. F-ck me, is this an actual quality??? How can one ever learn and master THAT? Was this from the beginning a battle I would never have won? For what it’s worth though, it was a good fight – I look back and I know I could not have done more than I did. I have to repeat to myself that whether you win or lose is unimportant, what matters is did you fight hard enough. This time, I did, and of this loss, I’m [almost] proud.

OK, so I won’t now learn anything from L-B but I NEED to learn from somewhere. I am on a mission, haven’t you heard? Rap is a legitimate art medium (says I), too many people shy away from the idea of ‘art’ and it’s ridiculous – art is fun, and relatable and beautiful! (says I). I want to mix everything and everyone and achieve the elusive nirvana. This comes from an outsider in so many senses, I KNOW what I’m talking about when I’m talking about inclusiveness.

Oh and throw a party on top of it J

Thoughts keep looping around Rap-Art. Now that I’m on my own I kept sh-tting myself but I’ve assessed and admitted my weaknesses – such as I can’t go out at night and A&R the fresh talent – and I seem to be extremely pressed for time – single motherhood has its ups but good god!  So I’ve started to wake up at 6am now (instead of 7.30) and I’ve looked for someone who can help with the talent search. A poster/ flyer was designed so I could hand them out at gigs and colleges but then my sister said she knew someone who’d be happy to help. His name is Maye. We’ve met and he has the same sound tastes and preferences (my only requirement for the ‘job’) but after the initial high came the familiar low – it’s been two weeks and only one artist found. Well that’s no f-cking good. I would need eight artists by now to feel secure enough to go on with this. (By the way, is there anyone, ANYONE who actually does what he says he would do? Excuses are EVERYWHERE.)

So I felt like I had to start looking myself. Which is how I discovered STEEZ. Have you heard of STEEZ? Go ahead and have a look, don’t do it on your lunch break: you won’t come out of the STEEZ black hole until well into the night. What a goldmine! Listen to that music! So I guess my search starts here. I have already emailed Loyle Carner and got absolutely no reply. 

Paranoia that no one else will ever reply aside, gotta work harder, gotta look harder.

Oh and I’ll be going to STEEZ night in two weeks – on my own, to Lewisham. This will be my first all-nighter in years… and the first ever for work. By the way, how does one get home from Lewisham in the middle of the night?

In the meantime, I’m all inside YouTube. That is when I’m not writing the blog, or searching for visual artists, or being with my daughter.

Finally, here’s another situation assessment I have done: to build a brand I need time, and time is the privilege that I no longer have. If I am to go through with Rap-Art, I’m going to have to take out a loan. Who needs to train themselves to wake up at 6 when you are no longer able to sleep at all!?

Failing at it

It's time I stopped making you strain your eyeballs and you could just listen to what's up. This one is a soppy one, nothing, and I mean nothing, has been getting me places. Ughh

That said (cried?), after my MC Ty post, I received a sweet, complimentary message from James Vice from The Delegates Of Rhyme (Bristol) asking if I minded posting their music on here. Why would I mind? It's a pleasure. https://soundcloud.com/delegatesofrhyme

Rap-Art - night

Let me just say, 14 July 2014 – the Rap-Art night – was AMAZING! I am most definitely being biased, since this was my own event, my project, my baby and of course I would have loved it more than anyone else BUT… that said, people. had. fun. Which is all I cared about.

The gallery’s manager Catherine, herself a hip-hop fan, admitted at the end of the night that she knew it was either going to be a sh-t turnout or a great one. Well duh. Once all this was finally taken care of, turnout was ALL I had on my mind. Also, the turnout was largely out of my control (60 followers on twitter, no contacts in the industry and no friends who are into hip-hop). Beautifully enter Xavier and the musicians. They promoted and I watched in nail-biting state and pretty much prayed, or was close to it. You probably see by now how I am NEVER satisfied with the process. There’s always more sh-t that I feel must be done (there is!!!). But here, I had to let go. Which was prettttty painful.

Guess what though… People came!  They came and they talked and they drank and they danced. And they totally filled up the venue. It’s been months now and I still see myself watching these people come and hang out, and not actually realising that the venue was full (I hung outside, it was too nerve-wrecking to wait for people inside the actual space) until Xavier told me to come in. Well f-ck, turns out people really love a party with music and free booze. Tip of the day, fellow entrepreneurs.

Can I please take the time now this second to thank again ALL of the boys who came and performed – I appreciate how I actually saw that they loved being there, doing what they did. I thanked and hugged each one of them at the end of their set but really, I can’t thank them enough. They. Threw. It. Down.
General Havok
Creative Elevation
Shane Chubbz
BEV LDN

During the night, my name was called a few times haha well this is a situation I never thought I’d hear the sound of my own name in! Two years ago I’ve no idea who Drake is and now I am organising an ‘underground’ rap event. Weird. It feels wrong though – I just want to work and hide.

Oh and all of the Asylum33 boys came and that was super lovely – I don’t see them often and I miss them. I think my sister kinda sorta fancied one hehe cute! Obviously can’t say which one.

Fast-forward to the end of the night, I am drunk (yes, ok, this is terrible and never again, seeing as how I don’t actually drink, and even if I did this was NOT the time) and Xavier is telling me people are asking when the next event is. He is thinking of making it regular. Me, I’m always in doubt, especially when drinking, but I LOVED the sound of it, no lie.

Now to the ‘problems’, or rather what ~I~ saw as problems (seriously, why am I so uptight? Therapy when I can afford it). Looking back, the whole thing actually went pretty smoothly. We hadn’t decided on the order of performances and had to do it right there. We ran out of wine – which, there never IS enough wine. Brothers were smoking weed outside – this one, actually, I had been warned about, by someone with tens of years of experience, and at the time I brushed it off (What matters is that ~I~ don’t smoke or drink, I said) but f-ck when you don’t know the people who are doing it you kind of don’t know what to eventually expect. Luckily, they all happened to be the peace-and-love type. And really, I think that’s all that ‘seemed’ to be going wrong on the night. Not bad, huh?

Not bad.

Next morning, 8.30 I was tweeting the sh-t out of the night’s events whilst waiting for boarding to fly to Cyprus and be with my family. Hungover, but SO happy.

Update: Xavier and I have ‘uncoupled’. He’d been acting distant for some time and I think he’s got quite a bit of sh-t to deal with and I might have acted impatient about that. But I won’t front, I miss him and I am super upset. As well as losing someone I liked it’s also a professional blow: good-bye Rap-Art, you were bloody great, and you could definitely have become even greater. I will cherish the memories forever.

Rap-Art - idea

Three whole months, eh? That's LONG. Ok for the whole of August I was in Moscow and had two-minute-a-day internet access - a good time to read haha - but for the rest of it I do want to apologise, although who cares about my sorry's when I have been giving them right left and centre whenever I don't post. I am disgusted about my long silence, I feel like sh-t about my laziness, I pay the price with proper depression spells when I don't do this, so let's just move on. To what's up.

I guess I start with introducing to you Xavier (have I mentioned Asylum33? Ray is a part of it. And so is Xavier). He has got in touch with me on Twitter and wanted to meet and share ideas. We did. Except he didn't come to discuss A People's Art, he was like: "Hey, I've these friends who rap, we could find some pictures of them and put it all in a gallery". It was vague at the time, with nothing really tying the idea together, and then I slept on it, then slept some more, until 'some pictures' became 'pictures that would portray the life of today's UK rapper'. The idea was to start showing the public that 'gangsta rap' is out (I hope) and giving way to new, more peaceful sounds and life styles. I love the idea that rappers of today come from different backgrounds and are united through the genre. This is a wonderful, inclusive concept. Rappers ride bikes!! :D

So that was that: we brainstormed on the name and called it 'Rap-Art'.

Sh-tload to do though (Xavier suggested we do it in the next 2-3 weeks and I fell off the chair - that would leave no time for my paranoia): find the space, find the sound system, find the pictures, print them, frame them, etc. Xavier was invaluable. But at the same time, it was tricky. I lose sleep, literally, when sh-t doesn't get done, like, yesterday. I'm on one side of the phone: 'Where are the pictures?' 'Where is the flyer?' 'Where are the pictures?' 'Where is the flyer?' - Xavier on the other side of the phone: 'Chill, Marina'. It's just that I can't chill, you know? Not least because the gallery was asking about the pictures and the flyers, but it's also that I was creating this event where I had no idea how it was going to go or how it would end up, what I did know is that I wanted to do the possible best - to make it as good as I physically could. I wanted to make it f-cking great, and for people to have the best time.

So, like, #pressure.

I contacted the Hackney Council about places (they replied with an extensive list of all the spaces to rent for events), I google-searched and emailed every little gallery in Hackney and out of whoever replied, I chose three of the cheaper ones and went to have a look. A-Side B-Side was a perfect space - it was small and it had white walls - I needed nothing else. Its founder Catherine so so helpful and so involved with the project - it was an absolute pleasure. She had her partner help us on the day, she invited a few friends, she answered my dumb questions.

Xavier took care of finding the artists and the sound system - I am very grateful to him, and to everyone who said yes and who just helped out.

As for the prints, at first I imagined them big, A1 or A2, and that was expensive. I don't even recall now how much as I think I've repressed the memory. THANK GOD a few of them had too small of a resolution and couldn't be made big. So ok, last minute decision, already at the printers, was to have them small, and by small I mean tiny… A5-tiny. (You can imagine the sweat on my forehead where from A1 I have to downsize my own vision of the entire exhibition to A5 in a matter of seconds - not a good look for me, felt like I was collapsing together with the vision.)

By then I had already gone to IKEA and got the massive frames (not clever, next time - prints first, frames second) - my extremely pregnant best friend Katie drove me there and back. I had to ask my extremely pregnant best friend Katie to take me on this joyous trip again to exchange them. She agreed (I am lucky!) The cheapest frames, in smaller sizes - black, white and red for extra sexiness.

Came home, framed the prints, laid them out on the floor and you know what, they really looked good (Look! Look!)

I was happy. I was happy enough to admit that I was happy, which is rare. Although the print size  didn't fit my initial plan I thought if I like them, a few others are bound to like them, and at the end of the day it's all that mattered (this was a surprise epiphany).

Then came Xavier, looked and said we ain't got enough prints. Well f-ck, for two weeks I'd been telling him we need more prints but because of the clear instructions to 'chill out' I stopped. Anyway, story cut short, I was back at the printers on the day of the exhibition (by that point the do-it-last-minute situation had stopped being so scary, the real fear by then was revolving around the potential turn-out of guests) doing what needed to be done. (The photographs, by the way, belonged to the musicians and their archives, and a few were done by Ray especially for the event.)

I will write about the evening in a separate post though, this is getting super long. One more thing here: finding alcohol sponsorship was a futile idea that of course I still pursued. Local Hackney breweries are a joke. By that point though, as much as I wanted the audiences to have as amazing time as possible, I decided that Rap-Art would have to happen even without the drinks. As soon as I thought this, my ex mother-in-law brought me two cases of wine for the event. (Which is when I finally cried.)

Out of my own pocket, however, came some money - for gallery hire, sound system, prints and frames. And by my own pocket I mean my parents' pocket. It was quite a bit of money and now I owe it.

Next up: the Rap-Art Night.

Shoot with MC Ty - Part 2

I know, I know, it's been a while - my laziness will be the end of me. Literally.

Anyway, back to 22nd of May. The photo shoot was scheduled with Ty for 11.45, I requested the studio and asked Ray to meet me at 11 (I've a paranoia about ever being late, or other people being late, so I do what I can for it not to happen - being late is disrespectful, always was, always will be, and I won't change my mind about this). So I'm on the tube making my early way to the studio in Hackney and who do I see on the same platform waiting for the same train? Ty. Oh sh-t. So much for having everything ready for his arrival. With my heart sunk, I approach him and introduce myself. We talked a little bit about the exhibition and this and that, but my mind was going crazy, I had nothing prepared, I didn't even know where the studio is! I've always been a panicking person but I've also been working so hard lately on learning to "accept and let go". This was definitely a good time to practice it haha. 

I did get myself together though, and Ty and I managed to find our way to the studio and had a lovely conversation in the meantime. 

And Ray was late. Not very late but late nonetheless. Despite my having called him at 9 in the morning to 'confirm' he was going to be on time. It ended up being ok though, I knew he was on his way so I was in my 'staying calm no matter what' mode (I think I got Ray feeling pretty traumatised with all of the hundred calls I'd made to him in the days leading up to the shoot). 

And then it all fell into place. Ray came (yes he makes me stress but gosh I love this boy and it was so nice to see him), a couple of his friends came, Ty was there, I was there, pictures were taken, conversations were being had - it was raw and it was fascinating and I was sitting in a photo studio with one of UK's hip-hop legends. Thank you, life - except I was the one who made it happen. 

I wish I had video footage from the day so I could just post the debates that arose regarding the culture's current and possible future states. This videoing thing - I don't know how to go about it, what the rules are, how to edit it. And it's really annoying. 

Two and a half hours later it was a wrap. So there you have it, as I mentioned in the previous post, for two and a half hours Ty didn't even look at his phone - this is how committed he was to the task at hand. Combine that with his arriving EARLY and you know why he is what he is. Amazing.

I did ask Ty to help me get in touch with Shortee Blitz but as far as asking for favours goes I only managed to make that one. I just already felt so grateful for him supporting this project in the first place, asking for more felt wrong. Am I right? Ty would most probably have most, if not all, people I'm trying to reach in his phone book, but these aren't things I feel comfortable asking for. So the hard way it is then - one done, 19 more people to 'hunt down'. Help me God.

Shoot With MC Ty - Part1

Man.. I will write a proper lengthy one tomorrow - tell you all about how our shoot with Ty went! The day has been so hectic I've literally got 10 minutes before I've to go. Sofia's got sick in the morning which meant no school, I had to frantically find and beg my sister and then Sofia's grandmother to take care of her because obviously I had to be at the shoot.

Ty was absolutely wonderful. And early. And professional. And interesting. And totally willing to give us his time and attention without once looking at his phone. I can't gush enough.

The same could not exactly be said about us (at least I don't think so, although some people do call me out on my inability to give myself praise). This being my first proper shoot, however, I now know exactly what to do next time.

After the shoot I had to run home so I could take Sofia to the doctor. 

Then blog (now)

And I'm all made up already for this date I have in half an hour. 

Followed by an invitation to The Box club (more on that later, too). 

Oh yes, and I haven't mentioned that I've got to be up early so I could make my way to the O2 Arena… for a bungee jump! Woohooo!!!

A few months ago I'd have said no to at least one of the above because, really, it's feeling a bit much with a child on top of that, but now it's like 'isn't that what I've wanted and felt so unfulfilled when it wasn't happening?' Duh.